Starting of a New Day

Here we are. Starting a new chapter in our lives. With three children, oldest being 8, youngest being 2, I am ready to fight the fight I knew I would need to years ago. Childhood Anxiety.

My oldest has been fighting anxiety disorders, I swear, since he was born into this world. It started with a hard time coming into this world, although I don't know if that had an effect on what he deals with today. I had high blood pressure during the end of my pregnancy with him and he came out holding his breath. He eventually started screaming but wouldn't even think about taking a breath of the oxygen they were holding up to his nose until he almost passed out. Yes, this was the first moments of his life.

He was so small that he couldn't feed on his own without falling asleep so we stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. We got to go home on September 11, the day of his original due date and the first day he was back to his birth weight at 5lbs, 5oz.

Throughout his life, we have had to deal with the "normal" (after all, what IS normal anyways) dealings of a child with a little extra attached.

- Severe Reflux - (yes, projectile, which we have many funny stories about as well)

- Colic in the middle of the night on many occasions

- Holding breath until passing out (only when hurt)

- phobias about throwing garbage away (which also led us to more recycling)

- highly sensitive responses to doing things wrong the first time

- and now, puking phobia, general anxiety and rage outbursts with talks of suicide.

Yes, my child is only 8. Did I do this to him? I like to think not. I have only given him the best of me since he was born. I home-schooled him through kindergarten (minus a year at a Montessori preschool) and have read many books on gentle parenting. Unfortunately, I also have had some of these anxieties that he is experiencing so if I gave it to him, it's through just being my son.

So he now goes to an income-based, private school in the woods where they focus on mutual respect, kindness and nature. It's a very "earthy" school on the same grounds as an Ashram, although non-denominational. We love this school and they have helped us SO much in the past couple years in many ways, but the most being just in the past couple months with these anxiety issues.

My son's name is Conner for the sake of this blog. And I am writing our story of healing.