Not so good ride on bus today. DH made a scene by forcing Conner on the bus. Embarrassing I am sure... for both really. Hope that Conner gets through this. Will hear it when he gets home this afternoon. Hoping tomorrow will be an easier day. Le sigh.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Second day of school is the best!
So after my own quiet time of not wanting to talk about Conner's issues, let alone reflect on them to write about it, we have been getting ready for school to start. Conner had the worst morning EVER on the first day of school. DH had to DRAG him out of bed, only after about 30 minutes of talking and trying to listen as well as put some motivation behind him. After dragging him out of bed, he had to force clothes on him and drag him to the car just to drive him to school and have a tough time separating from him. The very LEAST I can say is that we DIDN'T get first day of school pics. That just plain SUCKED!
I wasn't sure what to expect from him during school hours. I was silently waiting for a phone call from the school and hoping we didn't get one at the same time.
Well, he did great! He had a wonderful first day of school and he was excited to tell us when he got home how much fun he had. I can't tell you how much DH and I were overwhelmingly happy! (But still realistic).
The second day of school was a breeze to get him ready and out the door. He got ready himself and we all got out the door at a pretty decent time where we weren't late. Although we couldn't get them to the bus-stop at the right time, the drop off at school went smooth. LARGE sigh of relief. Weight off the shoulders. Heaven on earth. We DID get pics that day.
Now we are waiting to see what happens when the new-ness wears off. Hoping it never does.
DH is on his own getting everyone out the door tomorrow. Hoping that all goes well. Gotta work. Not sure if I want to have my cell on me or not. Gulp.
I wasn't sure what to expect from him during school hours. I was silently waiting for a phone call from the school and hoping we didn't get one at the same time.
Well, he did great! He had a wonderful first day of school and he was excited to tell us when he got home how much fun he had. I can't tell you how much DH and I were overwhelmingly happy! (But still realistic).
The second day of school was a breeze to get him ready and out the door. He got ready himself and we all got out the door at a pretty decent time where we weren't late. Although we couldn't get them to the bus-stop at the right time, the drop off at school went smooth. LARGE sigh of relief. Weight off the shoulders. Heaven on earth. We DID get pics that day.
Now we are waiting to see what happens when the new-ness wears off. Hoping it never does.
DH is on his own getting everyone out the door tomorrow. Hoping that all goes well. Gotta work. Not sure if I want to have my cell on me or not. Gulp.
My Fight
With all this counseling, reading and dealing with anxiety issues, I've come to an actualization.
I have always had anxiety. I will always have anxiety and my fight with anxiety will be parallel with Conner's throughout this journey. I haven't been really anxious (only for a few odd occasions) since before I had Conner. I used to be on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds and therapy to deal with my anxiety as well. This isn't my actualization though.
My actualization is that with all of these moments of having to deal with Conner's anxiety, it has made me more anxious again. It weakens me. It brings all my anxiousness that has been gone for 9 years, back into me at full force. I am now back at a point where I wish I had a quick pill to bring my shaking hands, heavy breathing and anger down again. It makes me realize and relive what Conner is dealing with within his own mind and body. It also makes me realize that I don't have pills to pop and neither does Conner, so we both have to find ways of calming down without them together. It's a horrible feeling but I am determined that we will find our ways to deal with this in our own ways, together.
We had a very tough day at camp today. He has been going to this camp, that is only 3 hours long for the past couple days without problem. Today was very different. His breaks got turned on. Dad is on vacation today and had a little talk about anxiety this morning with him. I have to wonder if this talk set this all up to happen in Conner's mind.
Don't feel like going into detail. It's just too freakin' painful. Don't want to relive it again. Sigh...
I have always had anxiety. I will always have anxiety and my fight with anxiety will be parallel with Conner's throughout this journey. I haven't been really anxious (only for a few odd occasions) since before I had Conner. I used to be on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds and therapy to deal with my anxiety as well. This isn't my actualization though.
My actualization is that with all of these moments of having to deal with Conner's anxiety, it has made me more anxious again. It weakens me. It brings all my anxiousness that has been gone for 9 years, back into me at full force. I am now back at a point where I wish I had a quick pill to bring my shaking hands, heavy breathing and anger down again. It makes me realize and relive what Conner is dealing with within his own mind and body. It also makes me realize that I don't have pills to pop and neither does Conner, so we both have to find ways of calming down without them together. It's a horrible feeling but I am determined that we will find our ways to deal with this in our own ways, together.
We had a very tough day at camp today. He has been going to this camp, that is only 3 hours long for the past couple days without problem. Today was very different. His breaks got turned on. Dad is on vacation today and had a little talk about anxiety this morning with him. I have to wonder if this talk set this all up to happen in Conner's mind.
Don't feel like going into detail. It's just too freakin' painful. Don't want to relive it again. Sigh...
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