What a reminder today of how these issues are not resolved. I am very disappointed in going to my work today to pick up my check and then decided to get a workout in. Conner usually does ok in the childcare now that he's gotten older. Well, he didn't do so well today.
He didn't eat a very good breakfast but he said he had when we were leaving. I had woken up late again after waking up at 4am and then going back to bed a couple hours later.
After 10 minutes of warmup, I see someone coming over to me and tells me that Conner said he's not feeling well. I KNEW that he was fine. I KNEW that he was just being anxious or was hungry.
He has clearly been crying. He tells me he didn't want to be there and that he had only eaten an apple and an Ensure drink (which doesn't seem to do too well for his stomach anyway). It took about 15 minutes to get him to finally eat some pretzels that I had brought for a snack. I also had to promise him that I would come back in 3 minutes to leave, and then he relaxed a little...
By the time I got back, about 5 minutes later, he was totally fine playing with a friend. I will admit that I was really pissed that I couldn't get my medically-necessary exercise in because of his weird control/anxiety and stomach sensitivity issues. I had to suck it up as I am his mother after all. If I am not there for him, who will be?
BUT I am still VERY irritated and it has physically affected me for the rest of the day. I feel lousy, tired and snappy. I am trying hard not to be though.
Question today is... "How can I sacrifice MY health for his controlling anxiety issues and be o.k. with it?" I mean, I have anxiety too... but his anxiety overrules mine most of the time, in my head anyways. If I can't take care of myself, how can I take care of him correctly? BUT I didn't have much of an option since I couldn't leave a screaming 9 year old in a childcare with young children. Oh well. I WILL live through this day.
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